Put your beagle on a magazine cover.
Upload one photo and your beagle becomes this month's cover star of Modern Mutt — deadpan interview, suspiciously specific stats, a feud with the usual suspects, the works. Free to make and share. The clean, frame-ready file is $7.99.
What makes beagles good cover material.
A nose with a dog attached. Beagles are famously, cheerfully deaf to their own name the instant a scent turns up, which is less disobedience than a difference of priorities. The interview slot suits them — a beagle never denies anything, it simply explains that it was following up a lead.
Three beagles, three completely different covers.
Nothing below is a template with a beagle's name dropped into it — it is what the engine actually wrote for three different beagles, from three different sets of answers.
Scout — a dramatic, chaotic beagle, sworn enemy of the doorbell, best known for the head tilt:
Photographed Moments Before Doing It Again
- Death to the doorbell — Even on TV. Especially on TV. A source is worried.
- Forty-five degrees — The angle that has never once lost a negotiation
- Feelings, at volume — A range insiders describe as theatrical and untreatable
"No further questions. Unless there is cheese. The doorbell knows what it did."
1,709 treats negotiated · 26 doorbell standoffs survived · 6 dramatic sighs per hour
Ziggy — a athletic, dramatic beagle, sworn enemy of the cat, best known for the guilt stare:
Unbothered, Iconic, Slightly Unhinged
- The cat: no comment — An uneasy truce, violated hourly, blamed on the cat
- A beagle of rare distinction — Setting a standard the others pretend not to notice
- Built for sport — Employed exclusively in the pursuit of absolutely nothing
"My schedule is full. I cannot tell you with what."
761 treats negotiated · 44 cat standoffs survived · 7 dramatic sighs per hour
Duke — a derpy, regal beagle, sworn enemy of the mailman, best known for screaming at nothing:
Unbothered, Iconic, Slightly Unhinged
- The 11am alarm — A public service nobody requested and nobody can stop
- Vocal, unprompted — The window was empty. The statement was made anyway.
- Born to it — The furniture was always, obviously, spoken for
"I'm not difficult. I'm selective."
1,300 treats negotiated · 10 mailman standoffs survived · 3 dramatic sighs per hour
Recent cover stars from other breeds:
One photo. Sixty seconds.
A clear, front-on shot of your beagle works best.
Traits, a sworn nemesis, a signature move — we write every word from there.
Share it free, or grab the clean 8.5×11 file and frame it.
Free to make. $7.99 to keep.
Watermark-free 8.5×11 file at 320 DPI — prints true-size on letter paper at home.
The fine print, minus the fine print.
What do I get with a beagle cover?
Making and sharing the cover is free (it carries a small watermark). The paid download is a clean, watermark-free 8.5×11 file at 320 DPI for $7.99 — it prints true-size on letter paper at home or at any print shop.
How does it work?
Upload one photo of your beagle, pick a personality, a sworn nemesis, and a signature move — our deadpan editorial engine writes the whole cover in about 60 seconds. No account needed.
Is my photo kept private?
Yes. Covers live at an unlisted link only you can share, they're never shown publicly or used for advertising, and free covers are automatically deleted after about 30 days.
Can I send it as a gift?
That's the classic move: make the cover free, share the link with family, and anyone — including the grandparents — can grab the print-ready file.
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