Put your maltese on a magazine cover.
Upload one photo and your maltese becomes this month's cover star of Modern Mutt — deadpan interview, suspiciously specific stats, a feud with the usual suspects, the works. Free to make and share. The clean, frame-ready file is $7.99.
What makes malteses good cover material.
A very small dog in a very good coat, thoroughly accustomed to being carried. Maltese have been companion dogs for well over two thousand years — the Greeks built tombs for them, and Roman writers complained in print about how spoiled they were — so the arrangement is not new and has been thoroughly perfected. The cover treats that as a lifestyle profile, which seems only fair.
Three malteses, three completely different covers.
Nothing below is a template with a maltese's name dropped into it — it is what the engine actually wrote for three different malteses, from three different sets of answers.
Duke — a athletic, chaotic maltese, sworn enemy of that tail, best known for the guilt stare:
Twelve Minutes With Duke, Who Is Busy
- A maltese of rare distinction — Setting a standard the others pretend not to notice
- Built for sport — Employed exclusively in the pursuit of absolutely nothing
- Betrayed by the tail — A lifelong feud with the back end. Still losing.
"No further questions. Unless there is cheese. That tail knows what it did."
1,693 treats negotiated · 13 tail standoffs survived · 7 dramatic sighs per hour
Biscuit — a athletic, regal maltese, sworn enemy of the Roomba, best known for stealing socks:
The Maltese Everyone's Suddenly Talking About
- Built for sport — Employed exclusively in the pursuit of absolutely nothing
- Sock cartel exposed — The stash has been found. The stash has moved again.
- Dog versus machine — A disc with a plan, and a dog with a problem
"Every meal is my last meal. It's not drama, it's policy. The Roomba knows what it did."
1,087 treats negotiated · 10 Roomba standoffs survived · 4 dramatic sighs per hour
Willow — a mischievous, derpy maltese, sworn enemy of the mailman, best known for zoomies:
Inside the Secret Life of a Maltese
- Adorable and unrepentant — Innocent in every photo, involved in every incident
- Beautifully unbothered — Gets away with everything. Has never once tried.
- Full send, no reason — Three rooms, four seconds, and one very confused household
"Every meal is my last meal. It's not drama, it's policy. The mailman knows what it did."
630 treats negotiated · 64 mailman standoffs survived · 3 dramatic sighs per hour
Recent cover stars from other breeds:
One photo. Sixty seconds.
A clear, front-on shot of your maltese works best.
Traits, a sworn nemesis, a signature move — we write every word from there.
Share it free, or grab the clean 8.5×11 file and frame it.
Free to make. $7.99 to keep.
Watermark-free 8.5×11 file at 320 DPI — prints true-size on letter paper at home.
The fine print, minus the fine print.
What do I get with a maltese cover?
Making and sharing the cover is free (it carries a small watermark). The paid download is a clean, watermark-free 8.5×11 file at 320 DPI for $7.99 — it prints true-size on letter paper at home or at any print shop.
How does it work?
Upload one photo of your maltese, pick a personality, a sworn nemesis, and a signature move — our deadpan editorial engine writes the whole cover in about 60 seconds. No account needed.
Is my photo kept private?
Yes. Covers live at an unlisted link only you can share, they're never shown publicly or used for advertising, and free covers are automatically deleted after about 30 days.
Can I send it as a gift?
That's the classic move: make the cover free, share the link with family, and anyone — including the grandparents — can grab the print-ready file.
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